September 22, 2020

Family is made up of a husband, a wife and their children. Any other person living under the roof is not part of the family and I mean nuclear family. If such a person is connected by blood to either of the spouses, he or she is only a relative. The reason it is important to make this clarification is because most relatives living in the home of a married couple appropriate some non-existing rights, and set the marriage on a cliff. It does not matter who you are; and it does not matter if you are the mother, father, sister, brother, cousin, nephew or whatever blood tie you share with any of the couple – you are a clog in the wheel of a family; if by your presence you create problems to the family.

We should support our relatives when we can because they are the ones who brought us up, lifted us up, and supported us when we were unable to help ourselves. We can make their lives comfortable materially elsewhere; but not as permanent co-habitants of our family homes. In order to avoid problems, it is wise to avoid creating occasions for that.  

Some married couples have destroyed their own homes with their own hands by accommodating relatives in their homes to the point of giving such persons undue privileges to weigh into the family issues. And in the course of time such privileges prove to be insurmountable mistakes when it is too late. Such is an unnatural alliance which always spells doom to such families.

Relatives are our loved ones and we sincerely care for them. They can come for a visit and go back to wherever they come from, but to stay permanently is to create a channel for problems. If a relative is sick and your home is where healing can be made possible, it is an exception and a privilege to take care of a sick person. You are free to assist your loved ones and relatives in such exceptional situation until health is restored or death ensues.

I know of immigrant couples in the United States who brought their healthy parents to live permanently with them. After awhile, the couple’s homes became courts where cases of both couple’s parents were continually being litigated, with no one as an accepted judge because grudges, bitterness and anger ruled the atmosphere and unmitigated distrust was at its peak. The unhealthy habitation even came to a point of physical attacks and bare knuckle brawls. As the situation degenerated the couples were dragged into the most unexpected ugly feudal mess. Finally, they underwent bitter divorce processes that adversely affected their children’s upbringing.

There are thousands of these unfortunate stories and incidents. Many relatives have wrecked family homes by intruding and inserting their lives into families and in between couples.  Many couples have allowed such to happen due to ignorance, and sometimes, as a favor and leniency that need not have happened. Some wives have brought maids, sisters and cousins into their homes, who turned out to destroy their families through their husbands’ infidelity under the same roof.

As a married couple, you must set a boundary and respectfully let your relatives know that you wish to live alone with your family and not with them on a permanent basis. Whoever that comes into the house must have a departure date. You are not only ensuring peace and harmony in your home by doing so; you are also protecting your relatives from accumulating karma through incitement or deliberate misbehavior that could destroy your family. Loving is not when you do everything your beloved one wants; it is when you do that which will benefit the beloved, even if it comes with pains. Love doesn’t indulge. Love instructs with severity!

#ConcernOfTheBookWhichIsToCome apologies to Emmanuel Aiq Nnachi Igbo

#12PillarsOfAHappyFamily(APerspectiveOfOverSightInMarriage)

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